Curiouser and Curiouser! on life

Clearing logjams

Wed, 04 Sep 2002 10:25:03 +0100

I'm a bit stuck at the moment.

So many things to blog about, so many interesting discussions. Also so much work to do: build a website, write business plan, create presentations and other collateral, finish product, find target visionaries, write documentation, nurse post-op kitty kat, decide licensing, network like crazy, buy a router, do I buy WiFi?, respond to email, blog, life.

It's only when I get seriously logjammed on all fronts like this that I take the time to step back and think in a 7-habits kind of way. So first things first:

1) Website. It's due.

2) liveTopics license. Mail registered users and get their feedback.

3) Finish first presentation & publish.

Privacy's end?

Mon, 09 Sep 2002 12:40:42 +0100

Karlin Lillington: "What society keeps its citizens under greater, round the clock surveillance than any other? Russia? Indonesia? North Korea? Why no -- it's Great Britain." [Scripting News]

» It's true. It's also a fact, although not well understood, that the recent RIP act was not a snoopers charter at least not the way people seem to think. As one Home Office minister admitted the snoopers are already at it and sharing their information with anyone who cared to ask. RIP was an attempt to legitimize this activity. As such we should still oppose it (because it is too broad), but we shouldn't forget that the violation of our privacy continues unabated.

Karlin also points to a piece by Simon Davies in the Guardian which is very worrying indeed.

League tables are for football, not for life

Fri, 29 Nov 2002 13:08:16 +0000

'Special needs' pupils turned away. Schools are said to be turning away children with special educational needs for fear they will harm their league table standings. [BBC News | UK | UK Edition]

As with everything else in life, be careful what you choose to optimize.

Making ends meet

Sun, 01 Dec 2002 19:52:55 +0000

This is a difficult post to write.

The last 5 months have been some of the most interesting and exciting of my life. When I started blogging I couldn't have imagined what a dramatic impact it would have on me. I've been thinking more during this time than at any other time in my life and, having found a voice, sharing more. It's been very liberating. It also seems to me that the path I am on now may define my course for years to come.

Starting a business was something I really wanted to do. But I wasn't ready for the challenge, economy or no economy. I've learned so many things, like the supreme importance of your network and, by extension, your brand relative to things like products and services. But it's hard to run a business when every little thing is a lesson. Despite good advice I've made mistake and after mistake and they keep coming. On one hand I'm constantly learning and that's fun, but on the other hand it doesn't necessarily make for good business.

I want to continue, I hope to continue. I believe (dangerous as that is) that k-logging has an important future, my inability to come up with the right message or pilot site not withstanding, and is going to be a good business to be in. I also want to continue because I'm talking to and sharing ideas with some great people and that's always cool. But the hard reality is that I haven't made it work yet and I'm almost at the end of my rope.

I've started looking for a job, posting my resume to various recruitment sites. So heres where we come to the difficult bit:

Please, if you or someone you know could use my skills (CV will be up when Word agrees with me about what HTML is):

Java application development
Technical consultancy
Web development (Servlets/JSP, Perl, Cold Fusion)
Knowledge Management (+quite a lot of experience with Livelink) implementation or consultancy
Systems Management (Quite a bit of Solaris & WinNT/2K + a smattering of linux)
Tech support / Client support

please do get in touch, I could really use some help at the moment.

Life? Don't talk to me about life.

Mon, 30 Dec 2002 19:52:53 +0000

Remarkably Good Spirits.

Nope, not from A Christmas Carol. I'm just havin' a good time. I get kinda wrapped up in the silly season and despite whatever's going on in my life at the time (though of late it's much more rare for me to have cause to say "despite what's going on") I've usually got a pretty goofy smile on.

[...]

What I learned this year is that of all priorities, money, security, happiness in vocation, charity and all the rest, that there are none that compare to the vital importance of sharing good times with good people, the warmth of sharing yourself with them and the highest of praise that comes from someone else doing the same with you.

[The Universal Church Of Cosmic Uncertainty]

Good to see you reflecting and finding things to be happy about. I've never been much of a journal keeper and tend to reserve reflection for darker moments when I can really beat up on myself.

However I recently resolved to start keeping a diary and spending a little time each day writing it and reflecting upon where I am and where I am headed. Partly this is as a way of managing my time, knowing what my priorities are. But also this is an effort to get more in touch with what I want to do and what I want to be.

Should make this all more interesting next year.

War against Peace

Tue, 07 Jan 2003 09:36:27 +0000

I've recently begun reading articles from the site LewRockwell.com. I don't remember how I came across the site, nor what drew me to it. But, as someone who regards himself as an uneducated libertarian, I found something that drew me in.

I certainly don't agree with every piece I've read on the site or even with everything said in a piece I broadly agree with. But I find it interesting and stimulating. Today I read "The War Against Life" by a gentleman called Butler Shaffer. Here is a taster:

It is interesting to observe so many Americans trying to find "meaning" in the Bush administrations war against an endless parade of "enemies." From Afghanistan to Iraq to North Korea, the state continues to concoct "threats" for the consumption of a public that is neither empirically nor analytically demanding. The media are quick to play their assigned roles, providing state-generated "information" and self-styled "experts" to convince the rest of us that everything the White House tells us is "just so," and that anyone who dissents from or even questions the states purposes or policies is likely an apologist for terrorism!

and a summary:

From Afghanistan to Iraq to North Korea, the state continues to concoct "threats" for the consumption of a public that is neither empirically nor analytically demanding.
The state's ability to gull most of its citizens into an acceptance of politically defined reality has been made possible by one of the few successful state institutions: the government school system.
Contrary to those who look upon government schools as failures, I have long regarded them as shining accomplishments for state purposes: to produce herd-oriented men and women incapable of making independent judgments, and who are thus prepared to submit to external authorities for direction in their lives.
While the bald eagle does represent the predatory nature of the state, I believe it is time to adopt a national symbol that more accurately reflects the mindset of most Americans: the parrot!
Much of the explanation, I suspect, is to be found in our sense of fear: both of ourselves and others.
That question was the subject of inquiry for a book, published in 1967, titled Report From Iron Mountain on the Possibility and Desirability of Peace.
We must understand all of politics -- no matter in what nation it is practiced -- as a system that wars against the very nature of life.

Look to the sky and remember that you were loved.

Mon, 17 Mar 2003 13:17:41 +0000

Between Hope and Memory

I'm interested in memory because memory is all we have. We are unable to perceive the temporal singularity of the present, which is a razor-sharp edge. It cuts our experience into past and future. We understand the division, but cannot comprehend the blade.

I have nothing but my own quickly fading memories out of which to build my reality. These memories lose focus and detail as they disappear behind me, drifting far into the past.

How hopefully I bind them together even as they fall apart. How boldly I proclaim reality even as I forget it.

We live in the transition between the future and the past. We are the moment that hope becomes memory.

Someday I will be dead and my children will cobble together their ragged memories and create me anew. They will create me in their own image. I will be clay in their hands with only the breath of their memories to give me life.

So I spend a fair amount of energy trying to create good memories for my three daughters. This may seem rather contrived, but Im of the opinion that parenting is mostly contrived. Theres really no time for much else.

Plant good memories while you can, mommies and daddies. Our time on earth is short and hope becomes remembrance in the twinkle of a little girls eye.

AD 2063
A 70-year-old woman points her grandsons hand toward the Eastern sky on a November evening. Orions belt of three stars hangs low near the horizon, forming a nearly perfect vertical line.

The middle star, that ones mine. Its name is Alnilam. That means string of pearls. My father gave me that star because I was his middle daughter. He said I was his string of pearls.

She stares at the star and tilts her head slightly. I was his string of pearls.

What about the other stars, Grandma

Well, the top star is Susans. She was the oldest. The last star is Sharons because she was the baby. Each year they rise in the east, just in the order we were born. See?

Most people call it Orions belt, but daddy always called it The Three Sisters. He said he had as much a right to name the stars as anyone. He used to say, Look for the three sisters in November, when I am gone.

Look to the sky and remember that you were loved.

The Preacher

[Real Live Preacher]

Happy birthday to you

Wed, 26 Mar 2003 08:47:05 +0000

Only one year. One year ago today I opened this weblog. Yesterday I went trough the last 12 months of posts. I didn't read them all, but... well, I saw my life passing before my eyes. There are some posts that I wrote about one year ago that look like they could have been written yesterday while others belong to a very distant past, when my company and my life were different, we had other projects, other dreams. A lot of stuff has happened since them, good and bad. Among the good thing, I must say that weblogging in the last year has been a great experience, more than 61,000 "unique visitors" came on these pages, more than 1,5 millions hits. I have met a lot of incredibly smart people in the blogosphere and some have become friends. A warm thank you to everybody for this wonderful year. [Paolo Valdemarin: Paolo's Weblog]

Paolo is among the nicest people I have had the privilege of meeting and getting to know. I don't think that would have happened but for his blog, so:

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Paolo's blog,
Happy birthday to you!

Just one question: Are the English and Italian blogs twins?

Second thoughts

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 12:55:03 +0100

I'm questioning (especially after speaking to Beth earlier) my response to todays bombings. I don't feel about it so much as I think about it. Given that it's now clear that there are at least 4 deaths and dozens of serious casualties, some of them at Aldgate East tube (which I use for college), I wonder if that betrays a lack of empathy on my part. I feel a sort of weary sense of dread. My thoughts are focused on how we identify with this event and how we respond to it. But now is not the time.

And so it begins

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 14:50:09 +0100

Jeez what a load of hogwash:

Once buried, it will be time to avenge them.
Perhaps the villains' expectation is that the Briton will quail as the Spaniard, reacting to massacre with headlong flight from foreign fields. I think not. About me, I see older Scots with a steely flint in their eyes. The reckoning will come. There is a soul of honor beneath the ribs of death. [Josh Trevino via ScriptingNews]

Irritating prose style aside... have you learned nothing? To talk of vengeance and reckonings while that very scene is playing out?

If it weren't so absurb it would make me very angry indeed.

Don't blow smoke up my ass, it will ruin my autopsy.

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 00:01:30 +0100

I've just seen the 2nd act of Meet Joe Black. I hadn't meant to watch it but something about it held me.

It reminds me of the questions I ask myself about whether life is what I expect, or want, or could make it.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. -- Thoreau, Henry David

I don't want to be one of those men but it's hard.

Today I am a very angry man.

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 19:32:11 +0100

So, I made the mistake of turning on the news today and hearing all about the wonderful things our security forces are doing to make the world a better place. And all the pundits, talking heads, and common folk with their reactions.

So, I'm supposed to get used to armed police on the streets of London for the next 2 decades? I'm supposed to be happy to pay an extra £0.5m, and upwards, per day to pay for this privilege? Oh and more for the mayors armed, plain clothes, policemen on the tube? This is on top of our chunk of the $700 billion the sham liberation of Iraq is costing by the way.

I'd like us to consider an alternative. How about we start by throwing Blair to the International Criminal Court in the Hague and make an apology to the sovereign nation of Iraq for illegally invading their country, killing many thousands of their people, and allowing their national treasures and resources to be looted and destroyed. How about that?

I'd also like to see any proof anyone has that this enhanced police presence makes us one iota safer? I'm not talking about whether the rubes the BBC interviewed today "feel reassured." I mean really, actually, less likely to be killed in a bombing or other attack.

I'm sick of this.

Off the beaten track

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 20:27:07 +0100

I'm taking next week off. Anyone have any suggestions for interesting things to do in the UK? Since we're in silly season I want to avoid the beaten track if possible.

What awesome kung fu was that?

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 23:20:23 +0100

Rounding off a good week Starbuck and I went out about town again today. I had a nice visit with my family in Bridgwater over the weekend, rather than going somewhere in particular this week, decided to relax at home. Today I bought a present for my Dad (his birthday tomorrow), my first cuban cigars (a Romeo Y Julietta for everyday and a Monte Christo for after dinner) from the Davidoff Store on St.James street, then had a nice Tiramisu in Knightsbridge while Beth bought coffee pods. Then we went and saw KUNG FU HUSTLE which is the most awesome movie. Go see it!

It's about who we are

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 11:51:00 +0100

I read today:

Even in the Senate, three leading Republican Senators John McCain (AZ), John Warner (VA) and Lindsay Graham (SC) are reportedly upsetting the White House with legislation that would expressly prohibit cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment of detainees in US custody. Vice President Cheney has tried to convince the three that the amendment undermines the Presidents ability to fight terrorism. Graham released internal memoranda from DoD lawyers concluding that "extreme interrogation techniques, on their face, amount to violations of domestic criminal law" as well as military law. McCain has released statements of retired officers, including prisoners of war, that claim the techniques put U.S. soldiers at risk. On the Senate floor, when challenged Sen. Jeff Sessions claim that "they are terrorists," McCain responded this "is not about who they are. It's about who we are." [The Incredible Shrinking President]

"It's about who we are." I like that. You hear the phrase the American people bandied around quite a lot in one context or another. So, who are you?

The Buddhist palm tidying technique

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 12:32:41 +0100

I've had a really enjoyable and relaxing weekend which is, unusually for me, bleeding into my Monday.

Saturday I bought some rugged shelves for the office and did some major re-arranging. Over the last couple of months the office has become incrementally more full of junk and heaps of equipment. The shelves and a few storage containers have made a huge difference and, along with getting rid of a lot of the junk, the office has become a habitable workspace again. Also now that I'm centred on the PowerBook and just have it and a 17" flat panel I have more deskspace. I think I could even study in here! Grade: A- (cos the shelves aren't aesthetically pleasing)

Saturday evening I went out to see Kung-Fu Hustle again with Starbuck and Mr.Starbuck (actually maybe I shouldn't call him that). The film was mighty and I think I want to try and see it at least one more time before it finishes it's run. After the movie we went back to Old St. for some pasta, a very nice red Zinfandel, and a cheese-cake of awesomeness. It was a strong battle of wills not to be the one holding the cheesecake at the end of the night! Grade: A+

Sunday I did some more tidying then zipped down to see my dad to pick up an unwanted LaserJet 6P he scored for me (which prompted the whole shelving incident). I've wanted a laser printer for a while now and those LJ6's are real workhorse printers. The best deal I've found on HP toner cartridges is Laser Media Supplies (a steal at £43!). I'm planning to measure my usage with the original cartridge, then I'll try a compatible and compare quality/value. Grade: A

After doing ladder duty while my Dad washed his upstairs windows (every 15 years whether they need them or not!) I had a pretty relaxing journey home and ended up eating pasta with a little green pesto before bed.

Weekend grade: A

Say no to funding tax parasites

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 15:08:30 +0100

I was reflecting today on how London Metropolitan University is run. Anyone who has spent much time there knows that it is run by and for the benefit of University management. Staff come a poor second and students (if at all) a distant third.

As an example of the level of incompetence you will find at London Metropolitan consider that today I still don't have confirmed results for either of the modules I sat exams for in May of this year! And we're already a week past the date of resits!

I was told, when I asked, that I should take a day off work to make myself available for a resit if I thought I might have to take one. Pardon me? Besides my fury at getting such a glib response I thought one of the few things you could reasonably expect your University to do was grade you and tell you if you passed or failed. Clearly my mistake.

You don't have to hang around long to get a feel for the shocking disregard in which students are held. Reading the following just brought it sharply into focus for me:

The public sector succeeds at what its real aim is, which is to live off the bounty produced by those outside the public sector. The growth of the public sector in the U.S. and other countries shows just how successful tax parasites can be. Having worked for a public university that is somewhere between 25 and 50 percent funded by the State of New York, I can vouch for the parallel between working for the U.S. post office and working for a university. Those of you who have attended universities will have encountered the unresponsiveness of the professors to the students. Unfortunately, nearly all private universities also dip liberally into the public treasury via subsidies for research distributed by the National Science Foundation and the National Institute of Health. [ Privatize the Levees and the Public Sector -- Michael S. Rozeff ]

I think public funding of Universities should end because it breeds institutions with no regard for their raison d'etre. As a first step I think we should give the money to students and let them pay the University, or not, as they see fit. If they don't spend it on a degree then maybe they'll use it to start a business or do something else worthwhile.

I for one will enjoy watching as a lot of bad universities go to the wall. Good riddance to them and those who mismanage them for their own ends.

Muddy waters, eh, Holmes?

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 19:36:48 +0100

It's been a long day. Thursday night the gearbox in my car developed a problem so, today, my Dad and I took it to a garage. I await a conversation with them on Monday with no little trepidation. It took me 3 hours to get back home including 2 trains (one of which got diverted because of a fire), one tube, one bus, and a walk. Now i'm just glad to be at home with my cats, a large pizza, Sherlock Holmes and the House of Fear, and the sounds of thunder in the air.

It was a hard fight, and I lost

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 19:15:47 +0100

I've now reached 4,300 unread threads in the rubyonrails mailing list. I think I have to finally accept I'm never going to catch up...

Go West, Young Man!

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 14:43:19 +0100

Does anyone know where I can buy a compass (and not spend the earth)? I'm completely clueless in and around London, even with an A-Z sometimes. I know you can look at street signs but sometimes they're hard to find and, well, I'd rather feel like I knew where I was. My lecturer last week, Giovanni Moneta, was describing how he had the same experience in Paris and his solution was to use a compass to help him learn to navigate the city. It seems like an excellent idea to me.

Bonus marks if you can suggest somewhere around Tooting, Wimbledon, or Kingston.

You gotta have a dream

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 13:58:11 +0100

I've always been a bit of a dreamer... well, check that, a lot of a dreamer. It was a frequent comment of teachers when I was a young 'un. Anybody's whose spent more than half a bottle of wine with me has probably heard about The Pyramid. That's an

if I was fabulously wealthy I would...

dream I've had for at least five or six years but I won't go into that here. Today I add a new dream: I want to start a commercial Airship company.

If you've been listening to Radio 4 in the mornings you've probably heard about new reports which reflect a growing concern about the environmental effects of mass jet travel. The news isn't good. In my ignorance bringing air travel into Carbon trading programmes sounds like an excellent idea because, although it willl push up the cost (since I don't think all other industries are going to go Carbon neutral just so EasyJet can pollute at will), it will also put more pressure on airlines, and hence manufacturers, to innovate and come up with less polluting solutions.

I'm not sure it's true but my guess is that an airship needs less powerful engines since it is already buoyant. I think also that if you aren't in such a rush you can use less powerful, but more efficient engines. I'm guessing but I think airships could be a more environmentally friendly way to travel.

But what really drives this dream is a vision of looking down on Manhattan from my stateroom as we glide in to dock (think wood panelling, velvet upholstery, and a cuban cigar).

And no Paolo, my flagship won't be called the Led Zeppelin!

4452 reasons to feel sad

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 11:19:43 +0100

l.m. has commented on my recent statement that I am unable to keep up with the rubyonrails mailling list (I'm up to 4452 unread threads):

The common thread Ive seen between both of theseand other bloggers expressing similar sentimentsis a vague sort of guilt over missing something

But it's actually not quite that.

I don't feel guilty that I can't keep up. What I actually feel is a sadness that I not only can't keep up with the leading edge of the Rails community, but that I can't keep up with the mainstream either. That means I am less and less likely to be able to make a lasting contribution to that community and that makes me sad.

Serve the public good

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 11:45:41 +0100

I was doing a silly political test I came across via Dave Winers blog, I come out Libertarian but if you've read this blog any length of time you'd probably expect that by now. That's not why I'm writing this.

At the end of the questions they ask you for a law you would enact, no matter how stupid or Draconian. I thought about this for a minute and came up with the following:

Every year 2% of the governing class, selected publically and at random, would be either: thrown in jail for a year on trumped up charges, made to teach high-school (in an inner city) for a year, forced to be a janitor in a public hospital for a year, made to serve in the front-line infantry for a year, or made redundant and blacklisted for a year.

Serving one of these would not preclude you from being choosen again in the future although perhaps not in successive years.

If you want to be a public servant then you must be willing to prove it by going there first.

You know you're an insomniac when...

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 18:24:35 +0100

Via Lifehacks comes an article on becoming an early riser.

The jist of it is a pretty simple 2 step regime:

set a fixed time to get up and make yourself get up at that exact time every day
Go to bed when you are properly tired i.e. too tired to focus on reading a book. You should be asleep within 5 minutes.

Go read the post if you want to find out more.

The twittering of the no-birds

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 09:31:42 +0100

I was reading an article by Mini about management at Microsoft and a quote by Ken Moss, general manager of search at Microsoft, caught my attention:

No Birds
2 1/2 years ago, I was asked to be the technical leader for a new team that would build from scratch a world-class search engine. Google already had a huge lead in quality and market share and many people within Microsoft said "no way" or "Ken, youre taking a no-win job" or "MSN doesnt have the technical skills" or even "youre going to have to use Linux" I call these people the "no-birds".
Now, its important to distinguish the no-birds from people who are constructively criticizing. No-birds are usually very creative and intelligent people, but their efforts are misguided. All they care about is shooting down ideas. They take pride in talking loudly, getting listened to, and are content measuring their impact based on any change in a plan even if its just making things so confusing that nothing gets done. They secretly are happy when things are screwed up. They are worthless.

This worries me. I talk loudly, I like being listened to, and I like having impact. I often feel that I can be overly negative and critical. It makes me wonder, am I (sometimes) a no-bird?

In my defence I try to admit when I'm wrong about things (which will allow other people to weigh whether they listen to me) and I always try to suggest how I would improve whatever it is we are talking about. Then I try to do it.

Hmmmm. How can you know when you have the balance between criticism and support right?

My basal ganglia made me do it!

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 15:39:48 +0100

Fascinating piece of science from MIT which, if confirmed (and I believe it will be because my experience is that I give in when I come across familiar stimuli), goes some way to explaining the problem with bad habits. I've personal experience of thinking I have a habit beat only to find myself back in the grip of it seeming, almost in an instant, to have come full-cirlce. It's a very depressing experience.

Habitual activitysmoking, eating fatty foods, gamblingchanges neural activity patterns in a specific region of the brain when habits are formed. These neural patterns created by habit can be changed or altered. But when a stimulus from the old days returns, the dormant pattern can reassert itself, according to a new study from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, putting an individual in a neural state akin to being on autopilot. [Via World of Psychology]

I can't say I find this discovery very comforting. But it does confirm that you should do your best to avoid picking up habits because, as hard as that is, it is surely easier than quitting them. Again my experience is that my successes have involved consciously ridding my life of habit cues. Relapses usually occur around unexpectedly coming across such a cue. For this reason Supermarkets are a real problem.

Maybe because it's because i'm not a Londoner

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 20:53:33 +0000

Well, almost.

I took possession of my new place in Maidenhead but I won't be fully moved until next week. The good news is that the new house is larger and, if anything, nicer than I remembered from when I viewed it. I've also met my neighbours and they seem very nice too. All in all I think I should be very comfortable there.

It does mean that, after this weekend, internet access is going to be a little intermittent. I'll almost certainly get ADSL of some kind although it's bound to be slow since BT are the only people that seem to do my area and they don't even guarantee 1Mbps at my distance from the exchange.

I've lived in London long enough now to think of myself as a Londoner. It's going to be weird to adjust to a different pace & style of life.

Now, this is nothing to worry about....

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 15:26:05 +0000

Steve Yegge's father went through a heart-bypass and tells a good, if disturbing, story about what it's like. He makes an interesting point that health professionals can make a process like a bypass run like a smoothly operated machine but that the patient - battered, confused, and often frightened - is not a cog.

If there is something that I would hope the Medical Center personnel could learn from this brief iteration of my story, it is as follows. Within each step of these medical processes and procedures, the medical personnel that touch the lives of the patients, do so for only very brief periods of time - sometimes as little as a few minutes. But, these patients are not simply cogs in the machinery of this well-oiled machine. They hurt and are tired and are very often frightened. Take care that you treat them with dignity and respect for their condition. Because, this really is a big deal.

In my own medical experiences (rather less serious than Mr Yegge's but even so) over the last couple of years I've been grateful that the medical people I have dealt with have seemed very sensitive to my fears.

Change is good

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 17:18:07 +0000

Now that my broadband and my blogging tool are both working I thought it was time to pick up the slack. It's been some weeks since I posted last.

I've been living in the new house for exactly a month. So far I love it. The house itself is great and the neighbour is quiet and peaceful. Best of all, I love having my own space. I've been sharing basically all my life and it feels really good to, finally, have somewhere I can call my own (even if I'm only renting it).

I'm pretty much settled in although the spare bedroom and office are both disaster areas. I've no regrets about leaving London although it has sunk in that meeting people in town isn't so convenient now that I have trains to manage. Still change is good.

Almost four years for me too

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 11:37:03 +0100

Paolo writes:

4 years don't sound like a lot of time from here: it's about 12% of my life.

My blog comes up to 4 years in May, I can't remember the time before I blogged. What was it like?

Paolo was the second blogger I met (introduced to me by ex-blogger Marc Barrot who was the first). That was a good time, it was exciting and an affirmation of what I think we hoped blogging might be.

I'm not blogging much anymore on the English part of my blog, I write a little bit more on the Italian side. I'm not involved in many conversations or I don't feel I have much to add to what is discussed. The atmosphere is changing, pretty soon you won't even be able to say that blogging is not "mainstream media".

After 4 years of pouring stuff out I think we're all a little jaded. Terry and I have talked about this often; That feeling that you've nothing interesting left to say.

But I don't believe that's true, and I think the reason that neither Terry, Paolo, or myself have closed our blogs is that lurking feeling that the spark may come back. Interesting things happen all the time and sometimes to us.

Here's to four more interesting years! Happy birthday paolo.evectors.it!

Brushes with reality

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 22:08:23 +0100

You know I think of myself as a good coder. Not a great coder by any means, but a good coder. So it always comes as such a huge surprise to me how many bugs there are in my code.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is when I figure out there is a bug in my code right after I've just said "There's no bug in this code."

No wait a minute, I know this one..

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 08:54:56 +0100

I am hopeless at remembering birthdays (well, any dates really) and, by a process of embarrassment, am populating my iCal with birthday events.

This morning I realised that iCal has a specific birthdays calendar that tracks birthdays from AddressBook. That's very neat but here's what I can't see:

I want an alarm to go off at least 3 or 4 days before the birthday. I can do that when I create a manual repeating event but I see no way to have it for the automatic birthday events created by iCal and AddressBook.

Can I have my (birthday)cake and eat it too?

All the immorality money can buy

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 11:11:16 +0100

With each day that passes I question further the role of the state in our lives. In my opinion it does more harm than good but the argument I have often stumbled over is the role of welfare payments.

This morning I have read with a sense of glowing happyness an article by Jacob Hornberger (President of the Future of Freedom Foundation) about the separation of charity and state. He compares this to the US constitutions separation of chuch and state.

He also makes some good arguments that state welfare is immoral:

After all, what meaning does charity have when it is engaged in by government? Charity connotes a willing heart of one person that reaches out to help another person. Yet government is based on force, and how can force be reconciled with any meaningful concept of charity?

People who argue that "It's all in a good cause" are, I think, using the end (supporting the poor) to justify the means (forcing me to pay taxes).

Think of it this way: Suppose I hold a gun to someone’s head and force him to take $5,000 out his bank account at an ATM. I then go into the poorest part of Washington, D.C., and I give every cent of what I took from him to poor people. Would anyone say that I had performed a moral or compassionate act?

Isn’t that what the entire concept of the welfare state is based on: a perversion of moral values as well as a denial of the freedom of the individual to decide what to do with his own money? What would be wrong with a system in which people keep their own earnings and decide for themselves which charities, if any, they wish to donate to or which people they wish to help?

And this ultimately comes to the point. In a free society we would keep what we earn and decide where to spend it. If we wanted our society to reflect good values we would voluntarily want to support those charities which we, individually, felt reflected best on our society.

In doing this we would be taking ultimate responsibility for our society. I think this frightens people. They are more comfortable to let the state take their money and do what's right. No matter the evils committed in their name because of it.

Jacob's arguments are better than I have described and I do encourage you to read what he has to say.

Real truth is always subversive

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:00:51 +0100

John Pilger gave a talk recently about journalism as a tool of the state. The way the US and British states have gotten away with murder over Iraq is a good case in point. The liberty of not having a television or reading a newspaper (I confess I do still occasionally listen to Radio4 news bulletins as I wake-up) has given me a distance from the mainstream media that I have never enjoyed before.

During the 1970s, I filmed secretly in Czechoslovakia, then a Stalinist dictatorship. The dissident novelist Zdenek Urbánek told me, "In one respect, we are more fortunate than you in the west. We believe nothing of what we read in the newspapers and watch on television, nothing of the official truth. Unlike you, we have learned to read between the lines, because real truth is always subversive."

Since the late 80's my skepticism about what I am told has grown and grown. I think that I believed not one word of what was reported in the build-up to the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq.

On 24 August last year, a New York Times editorial declared: "If we had all known then what we know now, the invasion [of Iraq] would have been stopped by a popular outcry." This amazing admission was saying, in effect, that the invasion would never have happened if journalists had not betrayed the public by accepting and amplifying and echoing the lies of Bush and Blair, instead of challenging and exposing them.

I am getting all my news online and from voices (such as John Pilger). On Wednesday Euan talked about how he found watching a documentary so frustrating because of the editorial slant and how reading is so much better for him because he finds it easier to make his mind up. Quoting Pilger again:

Language is perhaps the most crucial battleground. Noble words such as "democracy," "liberation," "freedom" and "reform" have been emptied of their true meaning and refilled by the enemies of those concepts. The counterfeits dominate the news, along with dishonest political labels, such as "left of center," a favorite given to warlords such as Blair and Bill Clinton; it means the opposite. "War on terror" is a fake metaphor that insults our intelligence. We are not at war. Instead, our troops are fighting insurrections in countries where our invasions have caused mayhem and grief, the evidence and images of which are suppressed.

When we read we have a much greater capacity to understand the language being used and its effect upon us. In particular I believe we have a greater capacity to understand it's emotional effect upon as and so understand when we are being manipulated.

Further by reading authentic voices I can take what I know about that person and adjust my filters accordingly when I try to understand what they are saying. For example anyone who reads my weblog on even a semi-regular basis must have a fairly good idea of my views, the trajectory along which they are changing, and the pace.

If I think I know where I am going philosophically I guess you probably know it even better. And from that you will know my weaknesses and my blind spots and adjust accordingly (and even tell me about it sometimes, please?!)

As long as the media remain a compliant tool of the state I shall shun them and their tainted product.

If I were a rich man

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 10:00:02 +0100

I was talking to Graham recently about the future and I think he was a little surprised that I don't have any grand ambitions or plans for where I want to be in twenty years. I wonder if this is related to my poor visual imagination (which has been another interesting topic of conversation for us).

Do any other non-visualizers find themselves a little bit adrift? Maybe it's just a philosophical thing. I tend to be more concerned about the now than about the future (except in a slightly angsty sense).

In 2004 I started a Posgraduate Certificate in Psychology course and passed it. I had planned to go on and do the Diploma course last year but with money worries pressing and difficulties with focus I decided to postpone. I'm still considering completing the Diploma via the Open University although I may be leaving it late to do that this year.

So anyway I was thinking about what I like doing and one consistent answer is "learning new things" and, especially, branching into new territory and trying to mix it together with the old.

When I think about my strengths I consider myself a little of the jack of all trades, master of none. I am a programmer that does marketing. I'm not a great programmer and I'm not that great at marketing either but somewhere in the fusion of technology, strategy, and marketing I seem to have come up with something.

If were rich today I would follow my nose. That would lead me back to University to finish my psychology course and probably to a cognitive science/artificial intelligence M.Sc. I would also try to go to conferences on genetic programming, cognitive science, and social software & systems.

Where might all this lead me? I have next to no idea. But I think it would be a fascinating journey.

Finally, a goal for the future

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:23:32 +0100

I've been thinking a little bit about my goals for the future and that, just maybe, having a goal is a good idea. Ok so let's say for the sake of argument that it is and that it won't hurt me to have one anyway. So what do I want to do?

I've already said that I would like to go back and further my studies in general psychology and cognitive science. I'm also interested in AI and Genetic Programming. I think there is a good ten years worth of time spent there already.

But I think what I would like to go further than just studying and playing with new ideas and create an institute to do research in these areas. That is, the wealth that I create independently I would use to build a research organisation to work at the intersections of psychology, ai, and genetic programming.

I'm not sure what the history of such organisations are and how they ensure their long term future, I guess that's my next step in thinking this through.

But anyway, this is me starting to think of the future.

"You'll have had your tea"

Tue, 09 May 2006 15:06:11 +0100

Dad and I (courtesy of his friend Mike Boxwell of Littlefoot software) went to see the recording of the first two I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue of the new season.

What a great evening! The show is very funny itself but it's also a pleasure to see a group of people who work so well together and so obviously enjoy themselves. We got lucky and Jeremy Hardy was in the guest slot. It was great to finally see Humph in action. May he carry on another 20 years.

Fantastic!

As Steve Martin would say, the answer is to get small

Tue, 09 May 2006 15:25:09 +0100

I think that the article by Lew Rockwell that I just referenced is really worth reading:

In Mises's view, in order to maintain peace and free trade, large nation-states had to become small nations based on the will of the people. Otherwise, he said, they would be centers of civil strife, where wars of some against some would perpetuate themselves. He also believed that all groups needed the right to separate from the state and form their own states. This was the only way that democracy could be implemented.

My own thinking has evolved to this point of view and not just for states as large as the US. The same argument can be made about the UK. Proper devolution coupled with fewer restrictions on the movement of people and ideas. This naturally leads to an answer to immigration problems:

Or we can choose the direction of liberty, which requires devolution, decentralization, and the elimination of tax-paid privileges for immigrants. Never before has the choice for the right and true been so crucial.

This doesn't affect each mans choice about where to spend his own money in the furtherance of the world society in which he wishes to live. In fact it gives him more freedom to exercise his judgement and to escape the unwise judgements of others.

In my vision we end up in a situation where good societies really do evolve because they are fitter.

Ambition without Careerism

Wed, 24 May 2006 11:57:08 +0100

I was listening to Radio 4's Great Lives program as I drove home yesterday. The particular life in question was Russian ballerina Tamara Karsavina.

Great Lives is a pretty odd show. I've listened to two and it's just not my kind of Radio except that... well somehow I find it interesting.

One comment in particular from the Karsavina show was her comment about being ambitious. I can't remember it exactly but it was along the lines of:

"I've always had strong ambition but never careerism."

That resonated with me because it's how I think of myself. I've always been ambitious and competitive but not really in any particular direction, more the direction de jour.

These days I am challenged to think a little harder. I guess partly because I am working with very goal oriented people and partly because, as I get older, I realise there is not the time left to achieve everything worth doing.

BTW; If anyone can give me Karsavina's exact quote that would be great.

Biking it

Mon, 29 May 2006 16:00:31 +0100

Since I moved I haven't been to the gym (or, rather, I haven't joined a new gym) and I'm driving to and from the office which is about a 6 minute drive. Jeez what a waste.

It occurred to me yesterday that I should get a bike and at least cycle to/from the office each day. I haven't ridden a bike in... umm... 20 years. It's a good idea, but it's still a little daunting. Can anyone recommend a good cycling blog so I can figure this one out? ;-)

Dissenter

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 09:57:09 +0100

By the way, this is what the powerful – and their sycophants – always fail to understand: no genuine dissident is happy about dissenting. You dissent because you see injustice, crime, corruption and needless death being wrought by the power structures of your own society. You dissent because so many lies have been forced down your throat, and you just want to know the truth, as far as it can be known, you just want to speak the truth, whatever it may be. You dissent because of the reality that you see. And this is a painful thing; it's like watching a family member go bad, like learning your own father is a killer, that your mother is thief. No one wants to believe evil of their own country, their own society; but sometimes the very ideals that you were given by your society – a commitment to justice, to truth, the belief in the inherent worth and moral agency of every individual human being – compels you to confront the reality of the crimes and corruption of the leaders and institutions of that same society.

It isn't fun; there's no pleasure in it. Especially if, with Dostoevsky, you believe that "each is responsible for all," that you yourself are implicated in every failure of humanity. Bob Dylan captured the essence of this kind of dissent well when he sang of the great iconoclast, Lenny Bruce:

He fought a war on a battlefield

Where every victory hurts.

Chris Floyd

Blood

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 11:51:46 +0100

We know that the only reason that this dead baby has his arm frozen to his lifeless face is that three years ago this week, George W. Bush gave the order to begin the unprovoked, unjust and unnecessary invasion of Iraq. He hasn't fired a single shot or launched a single missile; he hasn't tortured or killed any prisoners; he hasn't kidnapped or beheaded civilians or planted bombs along roadsides, in mosques or marketplaces. Yet every single atrocity of the war – on both sides – and every single death caused by the war, and every act of religious repression perpetrated by the extremist sects empowered by the war, is the direct result of the decision made by George W. Bush three years ago. Nothing he says can change this fact; nothing he does, or causes to be done, for good or ill, can wash the blood of these children – and the tens of thousands of other innocent civilians killed in the war – from his hands.

Chris Floyd

In fact I do not believe life is so simple as to place the entire burden in the blood soaked palms of George Bush. Conspiracies aside he did not fly planes into buildings, nor was it him who invaded Iraq the first time, nor him who supplied weapons to Iran during it's conflict with Iraq, and we can trace the conflicts back through history. Surely there is enough blood enough to go around.

But instead one can look at where there was the opportunity to make a positive difference by taking the path of reason and enlightenment and that opportunity was ignored. Whether willfully or through ignorance.

What is depressing is either how slowly people awaken to the bad choices they have made, or the gulf that exists between yourself and those who would choose blood over enlightenment.

Bread

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 09:34:32 +0100

In the disturbances caused by scarcity of food, the mob goes in search of bread, and the means it employs is generally to wreck the bakeries. This may serve as a symbol of the attitude adopted, on a greater and more complicated scale, by the masses of today towards the civilization by which they are supported … Civilization is not "just here," it is not self-supporting. -- Ortega y Gasset

Painful

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 10:32:15 +0100

The proposal has three simple steps. Step One is the easiest – abolish the position of CNO in the military. Step Two is the replacement of the CNO with the 2 Senators and 1 Congressional Representative of the deceased. Step Three is watching the ensuing riot. Imagine watching "my" senators, Hilary Clinton and Charles Schumer, along with some representative from New York, delivering the fateful news to a New York state resident who, you can bet your bottom buck, did not donate to any of their campaigns as keeping their financial heads above water was their primary preoccupation. After regaining composure, the next-of-kin might respond with several questions for the messengers like, "As my elected representatives in the Senate and Congress, why, if you don’t support this war, don’t you do something about it?" or "Since you are always so busy talking out of both sides of your mouth in an effort to win your next election, explain to me how I, my children and my country benefit from my husband’s death?" Or how about, "Ms. Clinton, why is your child not fighting in Iraq if this cause is so important?"

Mark G. Brennan talking about his idea for a new system for notifying the relatives of serving forces personnel that their loved one won't be coming home.

It seems only fair to me that this burden be born not by some random military officer but by the people who are actually culpable for the decision to send these people to their deaths.

Turbulence

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 10:37:45 +0100

In the language of “chaos” theory, America – if not all of Western civilization – is in a state of turbulence of such intensity that efforts to restore order by recourse to traditional systems and policies will be to no avail. On the contrary, it is our insistence upon established practices that has led us to our plight; and only a fundamental, creative change in our thinking and behavior can extricate us from the destructive consequences of our prior assumptions. -- Via Butler Shafer

I started getting interested in complex systems by listening to David Snowden describe his work. The first time was almost 3 years ago to the day. I heard him again almost a year later and it reinforced his ideas and concepts.

Dave introduced me to the idea that some spaces are complex and in such spaces cause & effect is a retrospective coincidence so that the tools and techniques that used to yield results may cause unpredictable future effects. The challenge of complex spaces is that, when you're in them, they don't necessarily look any different to the knowable spaces we are comfortable with. (Dave also introduced me to the exploits of the incomparable Mulla Nasrudin for which I am very grateful).

From that point onwards I got very interested in sense-making and, given my background and my fascination for blogging, I became very interested in topics and topic maps as a tool for understanding and representing things of interest. In a sense my topic map defines my world, or at least the subset of my world I choose to make public. What has always tripped me up is how poor are the tools we have to work with. My own efforts in addressing this situation, small as they were, have stumbled and failed.

Originally my interest in these things was purely theoretical but over the last 3 years my interest in politics and the nature of the world around me has blossomed and my interests in complexity, systems, sense-making, and reasoning have seemed more practical. I have gone from being an unthinking socialist to a thinking... for want of a better word libertarian. I hesitate when I use the term because I still understand so little of the philosophical underpinnings that define it.

What I do know is that many people who hear me talk about politics and life these days appear to think I am, at best, misguided and, at worst, delusional. I'm treating that as a good sign. For people who believe they are in an ordered space where the old answers remain true then anyone who acts like they believe they are in a complex space may appear to be out-of-step or irrational. Of course I cannot utterly dismiss the possibility that I am misguided or delusional but I see no way to address that other than to keep asking questions.

Recently (although not so recently as I would like) I started studying psychology. I found it to be a fascinating subject both from the perspective of personal discovery but also as a source of tools for thinking about human problems. Social psychology has many interesting things to teach us. From a political perspective one need only consider GroupThink and then look around.

Lately I have been thinking about my future and what I would like to do, if finances and personal situation permit. I am a generalist and aspire to be a PolyMath. I believe that much of interest lies at the interstices of the sciences and arts. I have expressed an interest in doing research and am looking for the right opportunity.

In the meantime I continue to self-educate as best I can. Right now I am honing up my logical argument skills and beginning to read about the very interesting area of Systems Theory. Systems Theory seems to be the ultimate polymath science that seeks always to unify, it's exciting.

The goal of all this effort, like most of my goal, is not yet directed to any specific purpose (not even a political one) but to providing myself, and hopefully others, with better tools to master life. In Gregory Benfords fantastic novels about human future (e.g. Great Sky River) he describes how humans have an enhanced sensorium and access to the aspects of the wisdom of their dead.

I see the shearing forces that act on our society, like the evolution of technology outstripping the pace of social change, and the increasing uncertainty and turbulence we face and cannot but believe that we need new and better tools if we are to survive. Right now I believe that my lifes work is in researching, developing, and using such tools.

Phew... This post went somwhere other than I where I was expecting and, despite being something of a ramble, wanted to be written. I think that reflects my growing uncertainties about my present and my future: my own personal turbulence.

Patriotism

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 21:51:53 +0100

As I was walking past St.Martin-In-the-Field yesterday I noticed for the first time the statue of Edith Cavell. I mean I've walked past it dozens, maybe hundreds, of times but I've never stopped to look at it before. I'm glad I did.

The inscription on the statue reads:

"I realise that patriotism is not enough, I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone."

I was very moved by this expression. I've always been somewhat disturbed by patriotism because, when I see it expressed, it always seems to be a very blind, crude, thing only a few steps from xenophobia.

But this is something else. And it's impact is all the more poignant when I learned that she spoke these words on the eve of her execution by the German state in 1915 for her part in helping soldiers escape occupied Belgium to the Netherlands.

This is my kind of patriotism.

Sickly

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 19:34:54 +0100

Malcolm Gladwell talks about a study conducted by a group of epidemiologists at University College London looking at the relative health of the US and UK. Here's what they came up with:

The first conclusion is that Americans are really, really sick compared to the British. In every socio-economic group, for instance, the prevalence of diabetes is roughly double in the United States than it is in the United Kingdom. Rates of hypertension, heart disease, heart attacks, stroke, lung disease and cancer are also all higher in the United States. And not just a little big higher. Much higher. So, for example, 2.3 percent of the English have had a stroke, versus 3.8 percent of the Americans.

There's a lot of juggling going on in how the studying was conducted and how the results should be interpreted, but:

The study’s author did a statistical exercise, where they assumed that the British group had exactly the same lifestyle risk factors as their American counterparts. The result? Nothing much changes. Americans were still far sicker than the British.

The conclusion they reach (and Gladwell supports) is that it comes down to this:

Krugman argues that this is evidence of how much more stressful living in America is than living in England.

I think it would be interesting to see work done to identify the significant stressors and then follow up with studies in other countries to see whether this is supported. Now I'm going to relax with a big glass of wine and a bowl of Ben & Jerry's.

Calling

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 09:21:50 +0100

Gary North on the importance of finding your calling and understanding why it's not the same thing as your job:

I define "calling" as follows: the most important thing that you can do in which you would be most difficult to replace. I define "occupation" as the way you put bread on the table. Sometimes these can be the same, but not very often. The most important thing is your calling. Your occupation should support your calling.

In my case, my calling is my academic work. The most important thing that I can do in which I would be most difficult to replace is related to my academic career. Yet I don’t earn my living by my academic career. I earn my living by selling information in the area of business and finance. I do my calling free of charge. My occupation supports my calling.

When people understand the distinction between occupation and calling, they are far less likely to make serious mistakes in the allocation of their time. They won’t confuse money with the most important thing that they can do in life. But not all people understand this. I hope you do.

The article is also interesting because of the context in which North was speaking and the historical perspective he brings to it:

All of the people in the class were Afro Americans. Because only one of them was a male, I decided from the beginning that my goal was to explain the difference between calling and occupation in terms that would be familiar to black women. I wanted to motivate most of the people who were in that room.

What I've realised lately is that what I was doing with this blog back in 2002/3 was my calling or the seeds of it. These days I think I understand my calling better and also understand that it may not be my occupation at all times.

But one can dream.

Constitution

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 08:57:47 +0100

"Benjamin Franklin was shown the new American constitution, and he said, 'I don't like it, but I will vote for it because we need something right now. But this constitution in time will fail, as all such efforts do. And it will fail because of the corruption of the people, in a general sense.' And that is what it has come to now, exactly as Franklin predicted."

From an interview with Gore Vidal.

Cycling with Dad

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 22:55:20 +0100

Last week my Dad bought a bike as well and, the weather being glorius this afternoon, we took our bikes and our cameras for a ride. We didn't go terribly far, about 2 miles down the road to White Waltham village where they were playing cricket on the green and there was a pub right opposite.

I think the heat, our general lack of fitness, and the pub made it seem an excellent place to stop. We had a pint and then went to take pictures of the cricketers at play.

That's my favourite of the shots I took. I had to mess with the exposure afterwards as most of them were over-exposed (it was extremely bright). I'm still very much learning my craft. Of course my Dad's shot will probably be much better because (a) he is a good photographer, and (b) he was using a Nikon D70 with a 300mm telephoto.

We watched a couple of wickets fall then got back on the bikes and pedalled home. I'm looking forward to our next outing!