A challenge too far
So the RPM challenge started on Monday. It's been on my mind since I signed up for it a few weeks ago. To some extent is has sapped my desire to make music so as not to "waste" ideas before I used them in RPM. Yet, after it started, I found myself listless, unable to focus, and blank. It wasn't excitement or eagerness I was feeling. It wasn't fun.
Last night the idea briefly flashed through my mind "Why don't I just stop?" I liked it although it was accompanied by a little dissonance as I'd already announced that I was doing it, committed to it. I decided to sleep on it and woke without any sense of doubt. Taking on RPM was a combination of optimism and hubris. The idea of stopping felt great. So that's what I am doing.
The reality for me is that I am not ready for something like RPM. I don't need to be challenged this way because, musically, everything's already a challenge. Adding deadlines, pressure, and expectations (even just my own) is all completely unnecessary and makes it less fun. I don't know why it feels so different to the Alonetone 24hr challenge but, for me, it does.
So I'm going back to my own timetable, my own pace, and doing what I want to do. Maybe I'll do RPM next year, or the year after, or never. I'm not going to worry about it.
I've never used the same quote twice in two posts but it's seem appropriate to quote Salinger again:
"An artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else's." -- JD Salinger.
Good luck to everyone choosing to do RPM, I look forward to hearing your creations!