100 ways to turn your customer against you #53

So I got a text from Orange today telling me how important they thought my views were and asking me to call 244 on my phone. Orange customer service has, IMO, been in terminal decline since France Telecom took over and Hans Snook departed. I didn't expect much from this call and, from the outset, I knew I was right not to do so.

As an aside I loathe and despise the Orange IVR and it's smug, Radio 4 announcer, female voice. Even as they insult your intelligence, waste your time with vapid announcements, or just plain fuck you over you can be sure it will be done in smooth, unruffled, tones. I hate's it I tell ya.

So I was not best pleased when, instead of being interviewed by someone from an independent 3rd research company about how I feel about Orange, I was greeted by the IVR which, after giving me it's meely mouthed spiel presented me with a range of opportunities to tell Orange about my recent experience with Orange CS:

If you think Orange is fantastic, Press #1!
If you think Orange is great, Press #2!!
Or, to be abruptly disconnected, Press #3!!!

Okay, I'm paraphrasing. But I'm afraid it doesn't work that way Orange.

If Orange had the least interest in what I really think they would ask me not give me a nice series of slots they want me to fit myself into. Providing your phone works Orange seem no worse than any other provider... but if you ever need them to do anything for you they are appalling. Orange are to customer service what the cheap polyester shirt is to sartorial elegance. For this reason it's probably better if Orange don't have to talk to any of it's customers and hear what they think of them.

If I had a sense that any of the mobile operators were qualitatively better than Orange I'd switch in a heart-beat. Over the last 6 years they have worn down any sense of loyalty I had to their brand (which was quite high in 2000) and these days I could care less what happens to Orange who do not understand the meaning of the word "service."

03/08/2006 10:59 by Matt Mower | Permalink | comments: